a day of firsts ...

And most definitely not the good kind.

I forgot to pick Mana up from school yesterday.

By the time I remembered and realized, I was already 35 mins late.

When I did remember I freaked out, jumped up and ran out of my office in a panic.

I saw my sister and I'm sure she saw the absolutely wild look in my eye and she said "Stephen said the school called, Mana is ok, he's in the office" as I bolted out the door to my car.

Obviously my overactive imagination envisioned all manner of frightful scenarios, and as I drove to the school to pick Mana up, I called my husband completely hysterical.

There was crying, hyperventilating, you know, the whole deal.

Stephen, as usual, was awesome. Calm and understanding, he talked me through my over reaction, tried to comfort me when I was feeling utterly worthless, and reminded me "you'll have a hard time getting over this, you won't do it again, so don't be so hard on yourself".

I imagined my poor sensitive son sitting in the school office crying (he's a crier) and the emotional toll it would have taken on him. 

I know, I got a bit carried away, I often do when it comes to my kids.

So, I pull into the parking lot, run into the office and the Principal is sitting in his office and asks me, with a smile on his face, who I'm there to pick up.

I tell him Mana, and his teacher walks out of an office and says "'l'lI go get him, he's playing outside with the other kids".

The Principal walks out of his office, a knowing look in his eye and says "This must be the first time you've forgotten your child".

I sign him out of school and take a seat to wait for him, trying to slow my heart palpitations.

I hear my boy before I see him, and he's all smiles, holding his teachers hand and runs over to me, filled with excitement "I played soccer with some bigger kids, it was super cool Mummy!".

I reached down to cuddle him, finally relieved he's safe (as if he wasn't) and hear "Mummy, stop, don't cuddle me any more". Tear.

No worries for my son.

And now I'm left with the "mum guilt" or "mom guilt" as my friend put it.

That's the guilt I will endure when I miss anything, significant or not, in my child's life.
Then there is the "mum work guilt" when I miss anything because of work.

Ah that's a choice you make when decide to work.

Damn, sometimes!

you disappeared on me!

Ah reader. That I did.

I disappeared, for a spell.

My grandma died.

I cried about that.

I went to New Zealand. 

And actually missed living there.

My job changed. 

My son is going to pre-school.

Sometimes you get offline to deal with life.

But ... I'm back.

And full of snark.