To the toilet we go!

If you’re my fb friend you’ll know, over the past few weeks Stephen and I have braved the “Attack against the Toilet” with our 3 year old son.

Koa is the kind of kid who has to decide he wants to do something. No amount of encouragement, or incentive will change his mind.

If you’ve ever spent any time talking to our Koala Bear, you’ll know this kid is an opinionated, stubborn, independent little bugger.

For example, over Christmas, he was being a rather naughty little boy. At one point I was so sick of it I told him “If you continue to be naughty, Santa isn’t going to bring you any presents”. 

Thinking I had bested him with my brilliance, his response of “So” shut me down. Granted, as a 3 yr old I don’t think he can truly comprehend what I was saying, but still, I was caught off guard. 

Don’t worry, he did end up getting some presents, which he was extremely grateful for, the point of that story was to highlight his indifference.

Truly, we wouldn’t have him any other way.

With Mana, we waited awhile to potty train him, but once we did, it was a cinch. It was basically nappy off, here’s-the-toilet-use-it, undies on.  Champ.

It was ignorant of me to assume the same ease with Koa, but one can hope right?

So, in order to get this kid into undies, I figured I’d read up on what I needed to do to get him going,  so I’ve added that wonderful advice below, so you can see how they  did or did not work for us.

Is your child ready for potty training?

If I left this up to Koa, he would never be ready.  We attempted to broach the topic about 6 months ago with him, and we were met with hysterics. 

 About 3 months ago when we tried again, we were privy to his fear “Mummy, will you hold me while I go” and even though we would hold him, he wouldn’t actually go.

His biggest fear at that point was falling into the toilet, so for his security, he needed some one to hold on to him, and tight.

 In the past month, when he started his process of *nappie elimination, we decided it was time.

Go shopping for potty supplies.

This I was on board for. I went to the almighty Walmart and let my baby pick something he was willing to sit on. He chose a Lightning McQueen toilet seat with handles that sits on top of the toilet. We got some Diego undies (his favourite) and those Gerber extra padded training pants (once recommended to me by a good friend) and were on our way. As a back up, a packet of Lightning McQueen pull ups was also purchased and kept on hand.

• The Gerber undies absorbed a lot of pee, so for accidents, it didn't get all over the furniture
• The Diego undies, Koa tried harder not to pee on those, because he thinks Diego is cool
• Pull ups = Laziness, for him, they were like wearing nappies

Practice being a good potty coach.

I’m good for a high five and a way-to-go, but other than that I’m out. I definitely understand the necessity of positive reinforcement, and I’ll do that, but I’m not raising a generation me kid. The first few times its praise and encouragement, after that it becomes an expectation.

Establish a potty training Reward System.

This did not work. Koa loves chocolate, it's one of his favourite treats, but when I tried to use that as a reward, he informed me “I don’t like chocolate”. Untrue. He just wasn’t interested in chocolate if it meant he had to go to the toilet.

Figure out your kid’s potty Training schedule.

HAHAHAHAHA. If I could figure this out, I would have attempted to do this ages ago. His body doesn’t have a schedule, or at least one that is clearly identifiable by me. Some days he’ll wake up dry, some days he’ll have soaked through his clothes, though every night he goes to sleep with a clean nappy on.

Choose and use potty words for potty training.

No. Poo’s and wee’s or poo’s and pee’s, that’s stupid enough for me.

Cutesy words, pee pee's, poopie, they annoy me, so I'm not using them.

SIDE NOTE: For entertainment purposes, Koa can and will say “Drop a deuce” as in “Did you just drop a deuce” or “I need to drop a deuce” though that is purely for my amusement.

Become a potty supermodel.

This point was highlighted by the words “Monkey see, Monkey do”.  Since I’ve got boys, I’ll leave that to their father. Though entertaining it may be for them to watch me attempt to pee standing, my boys are already skilled at peeing on the floor.

Teach your kid about washing and wiping.

Teach men in general the importance of this.

Have a potty party.

After a week of potty training, and an entire day with undies (not pull ups) we had a celebration dinner at CPK, where our baby ate his entire pizza (minus the crust) and was extremely proud of himself.

Going #2 is phase #2.

Not the case. Koa has not had an issue crapping on the toilet, in fact he would ask to be put on the toilet for a dump, and would continue to pee his pants.

Dress for success.

Clearly leaving your kid in a onesie that they can’t get themselves out of quickly is not conducive to successful potty training. And unless you’re a baby, overalls are ugly. No worries here.

In all honesty, it is persistence speckled with understanding that has helped us.

Helping Koa get through this is truly our first success of 2012.

*nappie elimination – The process of separating and not wearing any nappies with the following:

Including but not limited to Ariel-The Little Mermaid, Minnie Mouse ANY Disney princess or character of female origin.

*Nappy = Diaper

Get a big whiff of that comfort

A few months ago I read in the Q&A section in Men's Health something that I'll randomly think about, and start cracking up.

The question that was posed ...

"Why do other people's farts stink, and mine don't?"

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

The answer that was given explained how people are used to their own smells, and can be comforted by their own farts.

Other peoples scent can be an assault on your senses.

Obviously it was far more in depth and scientific than my definition, but that's what I remembered from it.

Since we all know how I love post secret, I ran across this secret on the PS app the other day and couldn't stop laughing.

Mmmm, comfort.

Energy Drinks Energize Pee

When I don’t get enough sleep at night I often drink Red Bulls or Monsters the next day to compensate for my lack of enthusiam for life.
When I drink too many, I notice I have fluorescent pee.
I wonder if I could harness that pee energy to power a light bulb ?

Two on Two

"There is NO GREATER achievement then going to the bathroom, after lunch, and finding you are the ONLY ONE in the stall. You are free to enjoy the sights and sounds that only an empty bathroom can give you." -  Murt.

DEDICATED TO Abs & Dabs 

So, if you work in an office such as I do, you'll know the challenge that we all often face with privacy... there isn't any.

And when it comes to dropping a deuce, I know for sure I need some privacy!

Is it performance anxiety if you can't take a crap when someone else is listening ?

That silence before you bust out a mean fart can really make you sweat.

I seriously admire those people who can drop their pants, and bust some ass, without a care in the world, I mean, if they can carry on a conversation while doing that? More power to you.

I've talked to my brother, Murt, about how you pooh in the bathroom on your office buildings floor, without getting caught.

He's a shoe man, loves his kicks, and he said there are a number of steps you have to take before you can drop a load like a ninja.

1. Scope out the territory. You've gotta make sure the bathroom is empty when you sneak in, if someone’s in there already, you might have to wash your hands or blow your nose, its a bit suspicious if you just walk in and walk straight out.
2. If the bathroom is all clear, head to the furtherest stall. There is a slight gab in the doors in most public rest rooms, so in order to avoid being seen, you need to head on down to the last cubicle. To be sure no-one knows it’s you, you have to lift your feet off the ground (my shoe loving brothers tip). If someone happens to come in while you're in the middle of popping a squat, they won't be able to see your shoes, and therefore, won't know who it is stinking out the bathroom.
3. If someone does happen to come in while you are dropping the kids off at the pool, and you are nervous about them hearing you, wait for the breaks in their routine. When they pull the toilet paper down, push some out, when they flush the toilet, another push, and when they wash their hands, bust it out again.
4. If you finish right as someone walks in, wait for them to enter the stall, then quickly flush the toilet, wash your hands, and ninja out.

I'm not about to try and be all sneaky like that, too much effort.

I have some friends, we'll call Abs and Dabs, and we all discuss at length, the idea that it is NOT a good idea, to pooh on your own floor.

We have a saying, two on two, meaning number two, on floor two.

See, the problem with going on the first floor of your building is that everyone going in and out of the building can still see you walk to the bathroom.

Sometimes you might get off the elevator on the first floor with a smoker who is headed outside for a cigarette break, and there is a strong possibilty that you might also get back on the elevator with them, earning you a puzzled look.

We can discuss this topic at length in the future, but I'm wondering, which method you prefer ?

Are you a pooh ninja or is it two on two for you ?